NBA tales of trouble

I've been quiet so far, even though I have much to say about the offseason. I'm holding my breath until everything is done, because there have been some bizarre things going on and I've changed my mind many times already. I will wait until I make final judgement.

In the meantime, I'd like to share a lighter excerpt to make these rough times better. One of my friends asked me about some of the biggest scandals to happen to NBA players, and I had to share some of my favorites.

The good doctor writes: What are the most famous examples of NBA guys getting in trouble? Something along the lines of Kobe Bryant accused of rape, or Magic Johnson getting HIV... what are the most famous incidents of notoriety?

Another friend replies: Those are the two most famous. There's also Michael Jordan getting secretly suspended from the NBA for gambling. There's the Kermit Washington punch. The Ron Artest melee. And I know Shawn Kemp had a lot of kids out of wedlock. Oh, I forget the exact details, but something happened with the NY Knicks and the stipclub called the "Gold Club", where basically wholesale prostitution was going on. I think Patrick Ewing was involved. Oh, and the Isaiah Thomas thing, but he was done his playing days when that happened.

Me: Well said. I had to give them my long list of faves....

HAHA, well sir, the Jordan thing has never been confirmed, but a lot of people (I'm guessing you got that from reading Simmons) think that's why he disappeared. You covered a lot of the big ones. There are a lot of rumors and old stories out there, but they aren't as famous. A lot of crazy shite went down in the late 70s and early 80s, when a lot of guys were on coke. The hidden story behind Magic getting AIDS is that he and a lot of other guys had some crazy sex parties and f----d a lot of girls. A LOT. Then there's stories like how Michael Ray Richardson threw away a great career cause of drugs. But those stories are kinda obscure.

There's a lot of stories behind our old pal Mr. Iverson. In high school, he was put in jail for a long time because he was at this fight in a bowling alley where some people got killed. Eventually, the governor of Virginia thought it was a harsh sentence and pardoned him, but some people believe that the reason they gave him a big sentence in the first place is because they were sure he killed a guy but they didn't have any proof. It was a big deal when he got a scholarship to Georgetown. He had a lot of smaller incidents in Philly, and this kid I know who used to work as a valet in Old City claimed that the reason he got shot at one time is because he never paid for anything when he went out to fancy restaurants and expected everyone to just give him stuff because he was the big star. I don't know if that's true or not.

My personal favorite is Isiah Rider (also known as J.R.), who was like a living version of the Chappelle Show's "When Keeping it Real Goes Bad" skit. Even after he got a huge contract, he kept getting in trouble for mischief on the mean streets of Oakland. One time he was arrested for a dice game that got violent. There were incidents all thorughout his career and he nearly ruined the Hawks franchise. But my favorite story of any NBA player is when he got arrested for smoking weed out of a soda can on a street corner. Dude was making ten million dollars a year - he could've gotten some fancy hydroponic waterbong system or something and done it in his house without anyone bothering him, but no, he's on the corner doing something that broke college freshmen MIGHT do if they're desperate. That's keeping it real.

His team in Portland was riveted with bad guys, hence the nickname Jail Blazers. One of them allegedly had another player call up his baby mama and give death threats. Ruben Patterson was arrested for sexual assault on his kid's nanny and had to register in every NBA city as a sex offender. That was fun. Qyntel Woods pulled a Michael Vick before Vick did, but his dog ring wasn't as extensive and he was a no name, so it didn't get nearly as much press.

The Knicks have had misery off the court to match the losses. Stephon Marbury was in trouble a few years ago for some kind of sexual thing known as the Truck Party, which included him either raping or assaulting some girl in a SUV. I don't know the details of that, but he's pretty much been declared insane now, so it's hard to take anything he says seriously. There was almost a juicy story involving Eddy Curry in that a man claimed to be his secret gay lover, and wanted to sue for sexual harassment, but there was no evidence and it died. That would have been huge, but nothing came of it.

I guess, though, the biggest story of the past 10 years, besides the Artest fight, is the Jayson Williams case. He had some good years with the Nets, got hurt, and then was a big studio host. One day he was showing off some antique guns he owned and accidentally shot a guy in the face. The guy died and allegedly he tried to cover it up. I don't know if this case has even been concluded yet, but he's been in and out of court for the past decade.